Dreamathon

Dreams from the past week:

1. I dreamt that I was the female member of 21 Jump Street. And by the way, I'm a cop.

2. I dreamt that I was watching a Top Chef-esque show that had a reality show character named Matthew, and he was terrible. The whole time I was thinking, I've seen you on Bravo before, why are you so bad at cooking? When I woke up I realized that was because I saw him on Shear Genius, not Top Chef so I was no longer surprised that he couldn't cook at all and instead ran around fixing other chefs' hair.

3. I dreamt that I was some sort of tech (I think costumes?) for a play. Lea Salonga was in it, but was being all ingenue, like this was her first time on stage. She kept saying things like "I hope I'm doing a good job" and "I hope the director likes me." I tried to encourage her and tell her I really loved her as Eponine and Kim but she was still super nervous. Emilio, from PR, was also there just being a jerk in general. Then I saw Audra (one of my neighbors) who was part of the show to fulfill a class requirement and we were both like "Why is everybody here so nutso?"

4. I was going to Disneyland but forgot my glasses/contacts and couldn't see much of anything. Also I was supposed to be giving directions so that didn't work out too well. When we got there we uh realized? that we had a rat in our group and we had to try to find out who it was. So we told all the people we trusted to meet at a secret place. They whispered the secret place to me, and showed me on the map but I couldn't see because I didn't have my eyes on. (This was after watching Castle, the episode that was a multi-racial version of The Departed.)

5. My dream last night was a horror movie. I can't remember if I've actually see it (not seen it- I never watch horror movies, but seen that it exists) or what, but there was a family with three children. The middle child was evil but also part demon possessed doll (a la Chucky, but in Cabbage Patch form) and it started terrorizing the family. It killed its older brother by removing his face. Then went after mom, dad and the baby. There was lots of chasing and screaming and hiding, until the dad stabbed the crazy kid in the head with a knife. The next scene was a grandmother sitting in a rocking chair, recounting the story and the wisdom she learned from it (what that is, I have no idea) in front of 2 cradles. We zoom up and see twins (the younger siblings of the previous 3), a boy and a girl. The girl gives a horrible evil smile and I guess she's either a reincarnation of the older one or has the same evil doll gene. It was just weird.

I'm glad my dreams are never prophetic.

I dreamt that both Adam Pascal and Ed Helms had died. I'm glad this dream did not come true.

Americone Dream

"Have you been reading my dream journal?" - Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA

Monday night, I dreamt that I went back to work at ClubSport and they changed the uniform. In fact, it kinda looked like Robert Plotkin postal uniform on Project Runway. Anyway, it sucked. Plus I had to buy new pants which ticked me off.

Last night, I dreamt that someone showed me a textbook that I was in. There was a picture of me making a funny face, with Caitlin in it. The caption said "Megan likes to stay in touch with her inner child." Then went on to describe me as a student at University of Tennesse (which I'm not) studying something... I forget what it said but wasn't what I'm studing. So that was weird. Then I was getting ready to drive to Oklahoma with my family (we were in Illinois for some reason?) and it was going to be 7 hours. Not sure if that's realistic but in my dream that's how long it took. I told my Mom I was ready, and I had two books. And she was like, is that enough? And I said yes, even though they were short. Then she reminded me it would take 7 hours and I was like oh no! I need more books. So I went to the library but it was all boarded up and the only section open was the kids section. Then I ran around for a while trying to find books. The end.

Dreamalicious

This is a compilation of recent dreams.

1. I dreamt that I got 100% on my nutrition project. Not at all likely.

2. I dreamt that I was at Disneyland with Sara and Matt. We were celebrating my birthday. Matt was being a butt. Sara and I had fun however. We went on a roller coaster. Then I went to my grandparents' house to celebrate my birthday or so I thought. But when I went to see the cake, there were no candles and they were already cutting it so I was bummed then informed that they weren't celebrating my birthday after all. But I got cake anyway and it was purple.

3. Something else mundane. I just remember waking up, doing whatever I had dreamt about and then thinking, wait didn't I already do this?

4. I dreamt that I was in this really awesome Georgian house with my brothers, my Dad, Shawn and a bunch of other guys and they were being annoying so I went to sleep in a bunk bed. Then I woke up and we were all outside the house, and Breanna said she couldn't take care of the house this week and she needed someone to fill in. So I asked what she had to do, to see if I could do it because I really thought it would be cool to have free reign of the place and check everything out upclose. But before I could, Jonathan said he would do it because he wasn't working those days. Then Breanna handed him the Mary Poppins umbrella. I followed him to the front door but he couldn't figure out how he was supposed to get in. So I take the umbrella and am suddenly dressed like Mary Poppins (wouldn't that be awesome?!) and put the pointy end in the hole on the door and it opens. Then I woke up and was sad because it was really fun.

One small dream for a man... one giant dream for mankind?

In my dream I was running around late at night doing errands in my pink Lucy pajamas and I was thinking hmm this probably isn't a good idea, but I wasn't tired so I decided to go to Target and look at the Barbies. Which I do occasionally. So I go in and there aren't any in the first section with the discount toys (this wasn't set up like your normal everyday Target.) so I went to the back, larger section and then suddenly there was an explosion in the front part and dust and smoke was going everywhere. I was kind of stuck back there until it calmed down and I started to come out. The police where investigating and there was a guy sitting down in a chair. He got up and started hitting on me and told me he was an astronaut, which I was inclined to believe at the time because he had a gray polo shirt on with the NASA logo and there was another guy standing off to the side in full astronaut garb (as I explained later in the dream to Steph. Is it weird that I used the word garb in a dream?) so the whole thing didn't seem as out there. The casual dress astronaut sort of looked like this: Note the Bulldog on his shirt, I do actually know this person. Not well enough to dream about but more so than some of the people I dream about. (I'm talking to you John Cusack.)

Anyway, since earlier that day I had had a "I haven't dated anyone in 5 years, I haven't even been asked... what's wrong with me?" crisis so I was slightly more receptive to his come-ons than I would normally be. Plus he was tall and kind of cute. But in order to be safe, I decided Steph had to come with me. So I go to her house to get her and I walk in through the kitchen and her mom is there and she offers me some wine and I'm like no thanks but she is like sobbing and keeps toasting her father, who has just died, and her son, whom she lost. (? Her words, considering as far as I know she's never had a son I'm not sure what that means.) So I just go upstairs and get Steph. The next thing I remember, we are at a stoplight - it is still way late and dark - and Steph and the guy are having some sort of heated discussion and I'm just staying out of it. So we get to a restaurant and they tell us the wait is 3 hours and I'm like that is just too long so we go back to my dorm. There or on the way, I discover he is really some sort of con man or maybe spy and naturally I find this upsetting. I ask him his name (which I apparently never thought to inquire about before) and he gives me something vaguely Arab sounding and I'm like c'mon your real name then he says something enigmatic like "I have many names" or "I am known by many names" and shows me a list of all of his other identities. But I keep insisting what's your real name and finally he tells me Jack Wick and I'm like "well I think if I had known Jack Wick I would be able to fall in love with him" or something equally nauseating. And then he kisses me and it's a nice kiss but then I realize, hey he's a professional liar or whatever he is, I should probably not close my eyes because he might steal something from my room. Then I also realize something else and abruptly stop the kiss and was yell "were you responsible for the explosion?" and he was like, well yeah! As if to imply it was no big deal, just a part of his job. Apparently I feel very strongly about not blowing up Targets so that's when I finally kick him out. Steph (who was not in the room for the kiss and sappy Lifetime moment) gives me grief about falling for him (although I still believe he really liked me and I was not part of some con or heist or whatever) and how stupid could I be thinking he was an astronaut, etc... Also he may have taken something from her house when I was fetching her. Needless to say, this doesn't help the whole "I only attract sociopaths" theory.

Project Dreamgay

I had a dream recently where I arrived at uh somewhere, ha, not really sure. It was either a neighborhood or some sort of studio/work space. I dunno, but I was totally naked. Then my gay designer friend who somehow utilized the space but also had condescending neighbors. He was like a gentler version of Jay from Project Runway. Anyway the other people I came with were like hey, why are you naked? And I was like because will dress me way better than I can. And he did. And then we went somewhere fabulous. Oh how I miss my gays. They are so hard to find in Fresno.

Red-headed Dreams

I've had a lifelong dream (no pun intended) of being a redhead. (I think a Debra Messing red.)

So in the last two nights, I have subconsciously lived out that dream. First, I dyed my hair red with one of those at-home rinses and initially, it seemed successful: good color, even throughout, I don't know what other qualities to look for in dyed hair but I was happy. But last night, I noticed it was splotchy, some parts were darker or even pink and others bleached (not sure how that happened) and some not dyed at all. So then I tried to hide my failed attempt from my Mom and I found that if I side-parted my hair on the left side instead of the right, I could hide most of the worst of it and then, from the front anyway, it just looked like I had one of those ugly but intentional jobs. My mom wasn't fooled however and confronted me and then just laughed because I looked so stupid.

Also I remember I had a dream about Dober, which was weird. Also a dream in which I tried to buy the Lucy doll I've been looking for but the only "Lucy" doll I could find was the remake of the original in the zebra bathing suit and it even had blond hair so I was like "hey, who do you think you are fooling?" and also weird, the inside the box was really plain. Normally they have colors or pictures or something.