Luckily, Clint Eastwood Is Not Featured In These Dreams

Lately, I've been having yin-yang dreams: one good, one bad. The bad have been fairly disturbing, at least while I was in them and the good, I'll admit, have been very, very good.



First the bad/ugly:

I dreamt that as I passed my hand over my left eyebrow, they all fell out so I only had one eyebrow left. I ran to my mom and asked her to draw one on for me (I think I was getting ready to go out, which was why I was making sure my eyebrows weren't askew in the first place). Suddenly, I had three red marks like bug bites around my left eye. They begin to swell and so does my whole face, including my tongue. I'm freaking out but my mom realizes it is some sort of allergic reaction and goes looking for an epipen. Well, I mean we don't actually have those in my house because nobody has serious allergies so she was going to take me to the doctor to get an antihistamine injection. I think I survived.



Now the good:

I was introduced to John Cusack. We were having dinner in a restaurant with a mutual friend, I have a sneaking suspicion it was Joan. What, didn't you know Joan and I are like this? So, as if it suddenly occured to me who it was, I turned to him and gasped and said "Do you know what movie I totally love?" and he said "Say Anything?" and I was slightly surprised that he knew, but then he and Joan began to laugh in a knowing way, so clearly she had "debriefed" him beforehand. So we talked about how wonderful that movie is and his other movies. Then I think we fell in love. I remember cuddling with him later, and touching his cheek because it was sort of stubbly, and also that at one point he carried me like a passed out damsel in distress. But I wasn't in distress or passed out so I don't exactly know the reason. It was through a field so maybe it was muddy but that still seems a little extreme. I know there were people in the field looking at me jealously. There was really no resolution, so I don't know if our love was strong enough to stand the test of time.

You can tell just by looking at him that he loves me. He says it with his eyes.

Dream On!

My first dream, my parents told me they weren't giving me my allowance anymore and I became extremely upset. They were still paying for everything else, because I actually remember asking in the dream. But for some reason, I was inconsolable about the loss of allowance. It was weird.



Second, I dreamt that I was at some sort of overnighter type thing. Awake, I would describe it as Colbert's Youth. At first we all watched sort of like a show, where he talked about stuff and made jokes. I was so excited I wanted to read his book but the one I had was old and falling apart and stained. Stephen came by and suggested ways to put it back together and even offered to fill in the missing pages. I was torn as to whether it was a good sign to have a well worn book or if I should show that I could take care of it in pristine condition. I guess I chose the latter because it was then that I realized it wasn't mine, and started denying it. Then I went back and found my nice new copy. Then we went to bed but to avoid other people, I slept on this cushiony bench with a blanket. People from church (Fresno) were there. The next morning we were informed about a new Stephen Colbert show where he sang show tunes with his wife while they tried to raise new born quadruplets. I know, I watch way too much TV.

Dreams About Our Archnemesis: Yet Another Thing Harry and I Have in Common

The others being our love of goodness and desire to snog one another. I can see it in his eyes on my Harry Potter calendar.

I had a series of unpleasant dreams about you-know-who (hint: it's not Voldemort) that were vaguely horror-film-esque. I wasn't so terrified, as much as I would wake up and have to remind myself that I don't live in Kansas or whatever and there are no children of the corn or anything. It began with me in a house that apparently doubled as a commercial bakery that I lived in with an interesting assortment of people including Mark Ruffalo (who I don't even like!) and Eric Idle. There were others, but I can't remember or do not recognize them. They all left me alone and I was eating some delicious cookies and muffins when Robert came in. I think he had a gun. I just sat still on the couch while he searched the other rooms, too afraid to move to escape or get help because he would find me faster. Finally, when I heard some of the others return I feebly screamed for help just as he was coming near me but before he could do anything my housemates saved me. That was the most cohesive, but I had sporadic dreams in fitful bouts of sleep in which Robert was somehow stalking me.

I had another dream that was just weird. I was in the Disney Store with my two little brothers, who were Shane, who was about 12 and pretty fat, and Daniel at age 4 or 5. I think we lived in some sort of New York type place because we had an extensive subway system as well as burroughs. Daniel had found a puzzle he wanted to give to his friend so I had to ask directions because we were new to the area. Then a pre-plastic surgery Kathy Griffin introduced herself to me. At this point, I lost Daniel. I began to look at all the great Disney stuff which of course had no Belle at all. There were teapots and lamps that I remember specifically. Then I was called away by the family I was with, although I didn't get the feeling that they were my parents. I'm pretty sure one of them was Mrs. Rowland. Crazy.

I Need a Dream Catcher

I am never watching Girls Next Door again!! Just 10 minutes hours before I went to sleep and I still dreamed about the king of geriatrics and his slut squad.
I may or may not have been a girlfriend, I'm not sure. This time I was introduced to a new girlfriend, who was darker skinned and had black hair, so not Hef's usual type. Then I had to go to work at the gym, which was my dorm's fitness center, and for some reason I was working there as a "supervisor" but really nobody wants to be supervised so I would just work out or do my own thing. But today, Hef my boss decided to drop by so I had to pretend to help this guy work a treadmill. I was really afraid he was going to fire me. Then I left with my family and went to a restaurant sort of like Popeye's but better. There were so many people that I got left behind and they all had their meals but my dad had left so I had to buy my own shrimp. When I finally found them and sat down, my dad and uncle teased me about being mad about being left behind which of course does nothing to alleviate my mood. I was waking up just as I began to enjoy my shrimp and wanted to stay asleep so I could keep eating yummy shrimp, to no avail.

I also dreamed that I was a youngster again, visiting friends in Fort Worth. I went to a restaurant with an assortment of friends who never actually knew each other. There was that awkwardness of a child in a restaurant without their parents when you don't know who is supposed to pay, are you expected to pay, or is it understood that the adults present are treating you? My parents had given me money. Or, should you offer out of politeness only to be declined, and how many times and how strongly do you insist before you allow yourself to be treated?? I don't even think I got to the food in this dream.

An Exercise in Dream Mediocrity

I had a series of extremely mundane dreams last night. At first, I dreamed about something but I can't remember right now. Then I dreamed that I woke up from that dream and checked the time on my ipod and saw that it was 7:27 and freaked out because I was supposed to get up at 7. But freaking out woke me up for real, and I checked my ipod and it was only 4 AM. Then I went back to sleep and dreamed that I was telling Anushka about my dream journal, but she didn't take kindly to it. She told me, very snottily, that she knew everything about dreams, why would she want to read about mine?

A Vertiable Field of Dreams

I'll catch you up for the whole weekend as best I can and as I recall more dreams I promise to revise.

Friday night
1. I was bleeding to death, but was more concerned about staining my clothes.
2. My family, plus a couple grandparents were trapped in my house in a horror movie fashion. When we opened one door, it actually led into a cabin. I feel this is reminiscent of some actual movie but I can't remember which. All of these strange paranormal things were going on. Actually scary stuff not like doors opening eerily but nobody believed me, they insisted on a "logical" explanation. I dunno how it ended. I guess we died or something.

Saturday night
1. Another Hef dream. This time I wasn't a girlfriend luckily but I was hanging out at the mansion. I went to the grocery store with Bridget and was introduced to Kristin, whom I was told was a new girlfriend. (Kendra was still missing. I guess my subconcious finds her as annoying as my waking state.) Although, Kristin is just as stupid and crass as Kendra, and of course blonde, but in the more "traditional" way of pink tube tops and not Chargers jerseys. When we get back to the mansion, we are having one of those lunches they have on the show all the time where everyone in Anaheim shows up in their dining room apparently there for a casual lunch, no reason or event is ever given. I am talking to Holly and say "so there's a new girlfriend" and she acts all shocked and starts to question me. Hef overhears me describing her and jumps in so I have to be slightly nicer than I would have been, also I'm still not sure if that chick was actually a girlfriend or not. Hef seemed to enjoy discussing the way she looked and I guess I inadvertently won him over and he liked me or something. Then he smiled and he had extra rows of teeth, like a shark.

Sunday night
1. Anushka had transferred to Fresno State and we were roommates, along with a third person that I know nothing about. We were in a class together and something made me incredibly upset and I ran away (no doubt after class was over) and when she ran after me it only made it worse. Now I should be able to outrun Anushka but this was one of those running-gets-you-nowhere dreams. It wasn't anything like the real Fresno State campus, but had a lot of castle ruins. I went back to our room and hid under the sheets of my bed and cried. Basically, someone (and for the purposes of this dream journal, let's say Julia) would have to die in an ungratifying way totally lacking in irony. For instance, if Julia died in a magical war so that Harry Potter might live, but got to gaze into his eyes before it happened, then I'd be at peace with that and not go running around campus sobbing. I really really hate running. Digression! as Holden would say. So later I'm apparently feeling better and/or have class, which I would probably go to even if I was in the depths of despair. I'm a good student, I only skip school for Relient K concerts. I get up and go to a much better version of the "food court" at the student union so it was really more like one of those super fancy grocery stores where you can buy 200 different types of bottled water and organic crap and they have samples and ambient lighting. I just wanted to buy something to drink and for some reason I was sliding on the floor from aisle to aisle. People did find this strange but not as strange as you might think, more like "hey we never thought of that!" and some girls in line tried to start up a conversation which I rebuffed. Then I went to class which was taught by the crazy representative of Washington D.C. who doesn't get to vote and kept asking Stephen Colbert what part of France he was from. All of the sudden, a big hurricane type storm started and doors were ripped off and students blown away and she suggested I stand under the door jamb for protection from the rain as the classroom had no ceiling although I don't think that was a result of the storm.

This reminds me of two other dreams I had
a) Fairly recently, as in with in the last year
I was going to the dining hall for breakfast on one of my wonderful "late" mornings where I don't have to get up until 8 but at the first large dining hall (again nothing like the actual dining hall) despite there being mountains of food, I couldn't find anything I wanted. I think I just wanted like cereal or a bagel and everything was either too lunch (it must have been slightly later than 8:25) and or too sugary or something. So I decided to walk across campus (still holding my tray) to the other smaller dining hall and I run into Lauren which isn't that surprising considering some of the inappropriate places I've run into her before. Like my senior grad night. She was a sophomore. So, I talk to Lauren for a while mostly asking "um what are you doing here?" and eventually have to say goodbye because I'm running out of time to get breakfast and I've got to get to class. I go inside and most of the food is like the lost boys' food in Hook: shapeless, textureless fluorescent goo. Also they had roses. I don't know if those were intended to eat or not. I'm not sure, but I think I went without breakfast that morning. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it as both halls were totally packed and noisy.

b) A couple years ago
My mom, Chandler, my grandmother and I were in this strange place, it seemed like sandstone ruins, and I had the feeling this used to be a church. Kitty-Pooh was lost somewhere in there and we were all looking for him. Which is surprising since my grandmother doesn't even like him and constantly refers to him as "she". Also, in no way is it his fault that she wears bright red nailpolish and wiggles her fingers around. We found him in the end.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Maybe the most awesome dream ever! I definitely woke up and instantly regretted it. In this dream, I applied in person for an internship on the Colbert Report. I met Stephen Colbert and handed him my resume (super impressive as it is: I work at a place called "Math Crazy") and was immediately hired. In fact we got along so well, I took on additional roles as Stephen's personal assistant. It was a lot of fun, we joked a lot and became quite companionable. At the end of my internship, I enjoyed my work on the Colbert Report and as Stephen's PA so much that I didn't want to leave. Also, I would get paid $80k per year and decided that was quite a bit more than I could make as a dietitian so I kept the job.

The second dream is a bit more muddled. I had received an anonymous love letter that was meant for someone else. I showed up at the appointed time and place to find Diedrich Bader of all people and he looked slightly despondent upon seeing me. I hastily explained that I had passed the letter on to its intended, and merely came to explain the situation to all parties. Then the girl he wanted to ask out came in and they were all gross and cute so I left. But not before Diedrich gave me a Valentine's Day thank you gift. Then I was trying to leave (which for some reason involved climbing down a ladder) and I ran into Mr. Ed and Ms. Cindy, both of whom I was very excited to see. But Mr. Ed started doing that thing where someone doesn't know what to say to me, so the just say the same exact thing everytime, which is weird because he doens't normally do that. (Example, my brothers' guitar teacher who says "Hey! I love Lucy! Ha ha ha ha!" each time I see him.) Mr. Ed was talking about some burgers or barbeque or something, I don't really know because, as usual when that happens, I really just want to leave as soon as possible. I get into my car and start to leave but the parking lot/road has turned basically into a Fisher-Price toy where all the roads are really loops and everything has a slightly cartoonish appearance. This is what I'm talking about but it wasn't quite like that, more flat and spread out instead of the layers on top of each other. And more grays and greens, the colors weren't quite as crazy. I really don't know if I ever got out of there.